Intimacy in a New Relationship

Funnily enough, this topic idea came about in a conversation with my partner, but I feel like this is something that needs to be talked about more generally. Like most people know, at the start of any new relationship, your intimacy levels are more likely to be quite high. And fair warning to any family members reading this, this series will discuss my sex life, so you have been warned.

Little disclaimer, I have only slept with people who have male parts, so my experiences will be in relation to that. However I don’t know if that will have a big impact on this topic, but it might, so its worth noting.

So lets chat about the start of a new relationship. That stage when you just can’t keep your hands off each other. It is a lot of fun, and in my opinion its one of the best parts of a new relationship. Intimacy can build very quickly, and you get to learn some of the basic do’s and don’ts with your new partner. Plus, at the start, in the words of my partner, you are just very horny for each other. And there is nothing wrong with that at all, but building from that is so important.

Personally, I love my sex life at the moment. I feel myself and my partner are very well matched in that way, we have a similar drive and are into similar things as well. This obviously makes for a very good time in the bedroom (or other rooms if that’s your thing!) I always feel as long as you’re being safe with a new partner, then there is no harm in allowing yourselves to have as much fun as you want and to fully explore what you enjoy about each other. Personally we both really enjoy oral, I used to not enjoy receiving this that often, but I now know that was due to unskilled partners.

So while sex is a major part of a new relationship, I also really enjoy those moments after. The cuddles, talking and just bonding with your new partner. Plus I love the smaller signs of intimacy, like them running their fingers down your back, forehead kisses and I really enjoy playing with facial hair. I also find in these moments it is much easier to be open with your partner, and discuss things that are important to both of you. I can’t be too specific with this, as it will vary so much from couple to couple, but even just getting to hear about important things from their day can be so special. And, in my opinion, these moments help you build a foundation that is so much more than just sex.

This is likely a neurodivergent thing, but I love finding out a lot about a person, so I always have an endless amount of questions. For me these help further a connection. My poor partner probably felt interrogated though. So finding the balance between how each of you can build your connection is very important.

I also find learning what each others love language is can really help in those early days. Mine is a mixture of words of affirmation and physical touch, my partners is very much physical touch. Luckily since we share one, it makes bonding that way much easier, and they are very good at ensuring I am also getting affirmation from them as well. I really recommend also learning how they show love, as it may be different from how they like to receive it. For me I tend to show love in three ways; gifts, physical touch and words of affirmation. And again because my partner likes to receive physical touch, this is really useful.

Overall, its amazing when you start and everything is hot and heavy, but building on that so you have more than just someone you enjoy having sex with is so important. I remember very early on my partner saying that they wanted to also build a friendship, so no matter what we would have something to fall back on. And I fully agree with this, its so important to also have that so you can build it into a loving relationship (which will also feature amazing sex).