Keeping Your Spark | Intimacy and Relationships
Last time we chatted about intimacy, we mentioned how in a new relationship the spark is right there, and things get hot and heavy very easily. But what about when its been a while and you’re looking to get those feelings back again? Well today that is what I want to chat to you about.
We all know that the honeymoon period can be fleeting, but trying to maintain the spark from the start requires effort on both parts. I’d like to think my relationship is still in the honeymoon phase, but we still do some of these tips to keep us that way. And like my previous post, what works for us, may not work for you. The key here will be that you know your partner and know what they enjoy.
My first big tip is to try and get one on one time together. This is a lot easier said than done if you have kids (either together or separately) and to also leave the house, just the two of you. I only did this around Valentines day for the first time with my partner and it helped with building intimacy. Plus if you want to build intimacy that leads to sex, you can have a lot of fun sending naughty pictures during this time to build the mood. It can be as simple as going back to a place you both enjoy whether that is a restaurant, an activity or something else. For our last “out date” we went to Amici in Portstewart. It’s a beautiful restaurant with a lovely atmosphere as well.
The second tip, and this relates more so into sexual intimacy, relates mostly into if either of you have fantasies regarding clothing. Get dressed up. While I’ve said this tip is mainly for the bedroom, it can also apply for an outside the home date in terms of just getting into clothes that increase your confidence. However what I mean this as, is to wear something that you feel your best in, that you also know your partner loves to see you in. This could be something like sexy lingerie (I recommend Ann Summers and Love Honey for this!) or even an outfit you know they love to see you in (think fishnets or even a gorgeous dress). If you aren’t sure what your partner loves seeing you in, ask. I asked mine at the beginning of our relationship about what things they were into seeing a partner wear or do. Now I have a mental note of what they like and a small collection of things that are just for nights when I want to make sure they are in the mood.
My third tip is go back to basics. Think about what first attracted you to each other and, if you can, go back to those things to build back up that spark. Did you have a shared love of history? Then consider a solo date, just the two of you, to somewhere you’ve been before or somewhere new that fits in with that love of history. Maybe you both love art, so a date night either at an art museum or doing a version of paint and sip together. Finding whatever small things helped build your foundation can be brilliant for fueling re-connection. Going back to basics is all about remembering what made you fall in love with your partner, so it will likely be very personal and individual to the two of you.
My final tip is to remember to make space for each other. Life gets busy, things get hectic, it is hard to prioritise each other outside of the honeymoon period. Date nights become rare treats, alone time (especially with kids) is hard to come by, and you can become like passing ships. Finding even small moments to make space for each other is vital for keeping your spark. This could be as simple as, if you live together, trying to do a small task before your partner to make their life easier, or even getting a small chore done before they do. Having some time to just sit and be when small children are in bed or something more extravagant like an out of the home date night. Small things that show you care are the best way to make space for your partner, and this will come down to how they like this being shown to them.
Those are my best tips for keeping your spark and hopefully bringing you back to those days when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other!
What tips do you have for keeping the spark alive? Let me know in the comments below!