Knowing You’re Done Having Kids

I did consider posting this within my parenting posts section, but I feel this is very much a lifestyle post. I have discussed this in a TikTok video, but I also wanted to talk about it here as well.

How did you know you were done having kids? I feel like this is a big question for a lot of people. For me, I have had two horrible pregnancies, from hyperemesis to a haemorrhage to gestational diabetes. Those things alone were enough to put me right off having any more kids. Plus we can’t forget that the newborn stage includes sleep deprivation which is not easy to deal with when you have older children.

For me, I knew my little family was complete when my youngest was about 16 weeks old. I knew I didn’t want to have anymore kids, but I found myself saying I’d be open to it if a partner wanted kids. But really, the thought of more scared me mainly because what if I ended up a single mum to four children. Being a single mum to three wasn’t part of my plans but it did happen, so ending up a single mum to four was a real fear. I actually remember saying to an ex that I would consider a child with them, but in my head this was not something I really wanted.

I used to think it would be nice to have a baby with someone who loved me, because I hadn’t done that. But also, that in itself is not a reason to have another child. I had done some pros and cons, and for me the cons outweighed the pros. Like I have a higher chance of multiples again because my twins are DCDA or DiDi twins, which means you release two eggs instead of one. That is even more frightening as the newborn stage with multiples is not a fun time.

So for me now that I am completely firm in my decision, I honestly do just feel that way because I don’t feel the urge to have another child. I feel done. I do somewhat mourn the idea of another child, and I feel like that may be normal enough, but I don’t mean that in a sad way. I mean it in more of a “I’ll never get to experience those firsts again” kind of way. Someone I follow online put it really well. They said they mourn it in that their youngests firsts are their lasts as a parent. So it is the last time they’ll see first steps, the last time they’ll be called mama for the first time. All those little milestones you so look forward to, but knowing you’ll never have them for the first time again.

However I am also looking forward to some of the “lasts”. Like the last nappy I’ll ever change for example. Things that yes will still have an air of sadness to them, but also some positivity in that it means they’ve gained more independence and can do more for themselves.

And I love getting to see their wee personalities develop. Seeing little snippets of what they may be like when they get older, and how they will turn out as a person. Like one of my twins is very determined, very strong willed and honestly I can see them going places. And by not having more children, I can focus more energy on keeping these positive traits and developing them alongside them.

I also did feel three is enough kids. Three is a nice number. I can cope with three, I may not have coped with more than that. I had to consider my mental health as well, as it took a hit in both pregnancies and the postpartum period. Keeping myself well for my kids is very important to me, especially as someone with a more complex mental health condition.

So overall, I just feel very complete now. I’m happy with my family and I wouldn’t change them. I feel like I can give my kids the attention they deserve and I can help them become the best versions of themselves as well.

How did you know you were finished having kids? Or are you not finished and you have reasons for wanting to add more into your family. Let me know which stage you’re at in the comments.