Miscarriage Story
I honestly have tried to find the original version of this that I wrote on Witchcraft & Self-care but sadly that entire website is gone. So now I get to write all of this out again. Yay. My miscarriage happened in 2020, so my full recollection may be a bit spotty around dates.
I still remember being so excited when I found out I was pregnant. I really wanted to be a mum, and my partner at the time was excited as well. It felt like the right time and our relationship felt stable.
I found out around the end of June 2020, so I believe, at that time, there was a bit of a lift in Covid restrictions as well (at least here in Northern Ireland). I can’t remember when the bleeding started exactly, but it was around 4/5 weeks—so early-mid July. I was told by our early pregnancy clinic that I couldn’t be seen until I was 6 weeks along. So I was booked in for then, as the bleeding was similar to a period, but at that stage wasn’t daily.
As the days went on, the bleeding got progressively worse, but I couldn’t be seen any sooner. The day before I was booked in, the bleeding was very heavy, and a large clot passed. To this day, I still believe that was the baby passing.
The next day I still attended the clinic. They asked was I still bleeding, had anything further happened and then we did an internal scan. You could see the sac but it was empty. Nothing remained. They did a blood test after to check my HCG levels, anything above a 5 showed a viable pregnancy. When the results came back it was below a 5, confirming the loss of the pregnancy.
I was extremely lucky that I was able to have my mum at the appointment with me. As this was rarely allowed at this time, with the way restrictions were in maternity settings.
I struggled a lot following the miscarriage. Sadly, my relationship with my partner at the time broke down. This didn't help with the low mood and the overall sadness of losing the baby. I still do mourn a lot for that baby, and wonder what life would be like had they made it to term. Their due date was March 18th 2021, but I know my twins were conceived around April 2021, so realistically, had that baby arrived, I wouldn’t have my twins. So I do try and see it as a positive in that way.
The date she passed was July 27th. It was well believed that it would have been a little girl, and we did name her. I used to share that name fully on social media anymore, but it is probably findable if you search for it. She’ll always hold a special place in my heart, and her brother and sisters will know about her as well.