First Introductions | The New Partner Diaries

First introductions are hard with a new partner. From finding the right timing to figuring out how to actually do the first “official” introductions. This will also likely vary a lot depending on the ages of the children, and my ideas surround what I’ll be doing with mine who are 4, 4, and 19 months (at the time of posting). I’m not saying I have the perfect idea or even the best idea, but this is what I will be doing so its a good starting point, if like me, you had no idea when this topic came up.

So for this, I wanted the kids to be in a space they were familiar with, felt comfortable in and one in which they would be able to focus on actually meeting the new person in their life. My children are most comfortable at home, it has minimal distractions and they know they can leave a room if needs be. So my choice for first meeting location is my home. Personally bringing my children out to say a cafe would not work, they are very distracted in these places and frankly are still a bit too young to understand that they are meant to be sitting and talking. Being at home means they can engage as much or as little as they want to.

The “activity” I’ve chosen? Dinner. Dinner in our home is very routine based, and happens in the same window everyday as well. This means it is something they are very used to and we regularly do have the likes of my parents over during dinner or for dinner. This means they are slightly more used to minor changes in this part of their routine. Also, its dinner, it has a start and end that can be used if needs be.

What meal am I planning for this? The twins personal favourite - McDonald’s. This is a meal I know they will eat, and because it comes with a toy, there is even a talking point. Plus the majority of people have something they will eat from there, making it a good choice for something easy and low fuss. I could try cooking a meal, but that may come with a higher chance of someone not eating and that adding stress to the evening. This is a big thing for me as 2/3 of my children are neurodiverse, as am I. So keeping it as low stress as possible is very important.

I have no other “solid” plans for it, as due to the ages of my children it will be very child led (which I feel all first meets should be). I know my kids love having someone read to them, or play with them. But I don’t plan to “force” this, as I feel like it should be completely led by what they want to do following on from dinner if they are still engaged in getting to know my partner. I do know however that one of my twins has taken an interest in my partners tattoos, which I think has happened as my dad recently got his first tattoo, so this makes it a very interesting topic for her.

My children have “unofficially” met my partner, when they picked me up for a date. So it should be a tad less daunting for them to meet a new person. I’ve also been having conversations with them regarding this and using language at their level of understanding as well. One of my twins has actually asked to see my partner again, so we are currently having discussions around them meeting in an “official” way. During the unofficial meet, they asked about their tattoos and this went quite well. To the point that I know if my partner wears a t-shirt on the official meet, they will likely spend time just discussing tattoos.

What tips do you have for a first introduction? Is there anything you would do differently?